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Sexual Addiction - or Obsession?

The female who suffers from this will pursue sexual activity at every opportunity and will seek constantly greater gratification. In this search, she will seek out all manner of different ways of achieving arousal and climax, even sometimes including bestiality. Group sex, or perhaps just 'three-in-a-bed' is not at all usual for this individual, as is 'swinging' or partner swapping, given the opportunity. She will often be fascinated by the sex lives of others and want to know every detail - presumably in the hope that she might discover something new and exciting to try for herself.

It is rare for her to seek help with this situation unless/until it becomes obvious that she will either contract a sexually transmitted disease or lose a partner whom she loves; the obsession does not necessarily inhibit a full set of emotional responses including love and loss.

The male exhibits subtly different characteristics as a rule. Most males have some obsession with sex and sexual activity but are able to suspend it when necessary. Within the state of apparent addiction, though, the obsessive behaviour is greatly increased and the individual will pursue sex at every opportunity, taking great risks with his health, career, and relationships - if he ever manages to form and sustain any - for once the sex drive is turned on, any responsibility switches are entirely and firmly in the 'off' position.

Behaviour can vary from one individual to the next. He might 'binge' and carry out several sexual acts with different partners in a short time, after which he will 'rest' for a few days; or he might keep up a slightly slower but relentless pursuit on a regular basis. He might pursue fetishes, he might frequent saunas and indulge in abundant activity with other males whilst denying any homosexuality or bisexuality. Indeed, he might well be completely heterosexual in that he only wants females, but will go with males when necessary in order to satisfy a physical need - but then again, he might only be interested in 'straight' sex. What is certain is that his drive seems to be more insistent than most and his 'responsibility switch' moves into the 'off' position far more easily than that of most males.

He will often worry about contracting disease, losing his job or his relationship, or the disgrace of being hauled into court or 'getting his name in the papers' - but none of these anxieties provides any lasting brake to his pursuit of sexual activity. Once the idea of sexual activity has formed in his mind it will have to be discharged somehow or another and masturbation just does not provide the right sort of relief.

The Answer
In both male and female, sexual obsession/addiction can respond quite well to therapy but recidivism is frequent. If you suffer this problem, it can only be eased if you truly want it to be - but the difficulty with that is that it can feel as if you are giving something up. In fact, this is not truly the case, because many researchers have shown that limiting the amount of sexual activity to an extent increases both libidic energy as well as enjoyment. It sometimes helps to recognise that the sexual pleasure you don't have today will be added to that which you find tomorrow...

It might be that you are constantly seeking to prove something, of course... and if you believe this might be the case, think about what it might be and ask yourself: "What actually AM I proving?" - and be sure to answer that question as honestly as you are able.

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