<<< back

Post-coital Guilt

This is less rare than many might think and when it is unwarranted (in other words, there is no moral or legal reason that intercourse should not have taken place) then it may be an indicator of a need for some form of investigative therapy. It is sometimes linked to childhood sexual interference/abuse but is more often based on the teachings of authority figures - usually parents - during our formative years.

The guilty response is not always recognised, some people experiencing a sense of embarrassment and/or shame after sexual intercourse or, indeed, any form of sexual activity at all, even mutual masturbation. Most therapists would agree that Shame, Guilt and Embarrassment are actually related so it is entirely possible that any or all of them could be a post-coital response. It is important to recognise that this is not a 'normal' response, nor is it usual; most people do not suffer it and there is no valid reason why anybody should. It is extremely limiting to full sexual enjoyment and if it is something with which you have been experiencing, you could already be on the way to resolving the issue, just by reading this text

The Answer
Always remember that guilt is a sign of caring about what you do; in that sense it is not a negative thing at all. Generally, though, guilt after sexual intercourse is completely unfounded - if sex was a bad thing, most of us would not even have been born! Sometimes, people feel guilty after sexual intercourse because they've been told they shouldn't do it 'like that' or before they're married or for some other reason. Always remember that when somebody tells you that sort of thing, what they are really saying is that they don't want you to do it... but it's not really up to them at all. Your sex life is your sex life; do what feels good for you and your partner and there is no reason why, as long as you are not hurting anybody else, that you should feel the least twang of guilt.

Of course, if your guilt is based on having illicit sex, then some would say that the guilt is justified. If this is the case, then there is really only one answer and that is to stop having sex with that person.

Any of our psychosexual therapists will be able to help you with this problem.

Return to Top

<<< back