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The Bus Stop Syndrome

If you were to move to a new town and walk to the same bus stop every morning, you would probably see at least one person who was there every day. After a week has gone by, you will still see that same person every day but if you have not said 'good morning' or similar by that time, you probably never will.

This situation exists in what might be called 'general life situations' too; if an individual does not start talking to somebody within a few occasions of being in contact with them, then they probably never will, no matter how 'suitable' they might be from a sexual point of view. They will have done what the human animal does so well - formed a behavioural habit. The behaviour is that they do not talk to that particular person and individuals would probably feel strange if an attempt was made to break this habit, without there being some excuse to do so.

It also happens within the sexual component of relationships. If an individual does not fairly soon address the idea of telling a new partner something that they would like to do (though the time scale might vary from one person to another) it will become increasingly difficult to do so. Eventually the perceived awkwardness will override the perceived possible reward of telling and the 'secret' will probably remain such for the life of that relationship.

The solution here is obvious: wants and needs should be discussed as soon as possible; if this proves difficult or impossible, then it is likely that the relationship is not a good one or, at any rate, has other communication problems. See Sexual Communication on this site.

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